Too much of me is made from what I have learned from you

From the times I squealed to the time I left on my own path,

From the times I whined to the time when I pine for you,

From the falls of failures to the peak of success,

You have been my inspiration.

From the gallows of fear to the crest of confidence,

You held my hand throughout.

Today when I look back,

I realise, that you were the epitome of my journey.

As unfair as it can get, nature played its ploy,

You are not here.

But, too much of me is made from what I have learned from you.

And I’ll owe you this all my life.

Dedicated to someone who spread love selflessly and was a great source of support for life.

An update : Life in Chennai

I am loving my new life.

The college part, the hostel, the friends, the late night talks, the microwave maggi and the whole idea of being a journalist. This new phase is exciting and extremely challenging. But, yes I'm loving it.

The course is well structured and very detailed. More about it later.

First about the city, it's a perfect blend of traditional and modern culture. You'll find a short skirt and spaghetti top wearing girl in the same street as a lady wearing a fully covered traditional 9 yard Saree. I like that. Otherwise, Chennai is relatively adverse to immigrating crowd. It doesn't accept you easily. On strictly comparative terms, Mumbai as a city accepts you instantly and I have heard this from 7 out 10 people, apart from experiencing it. I agree Mumbai and Chennai are two different cultures altogether, but in Chennai you'll have to blend in and then you'll start loving it, while Bombay is more spontaneous. I am still blending into Chennai. Hopefully I'll accept Chennai and Vise-e-versa.

About the hostel, its my first time. So, the feeling is nice. I love my room and my roomies are amazing. We have gelled in so well that the room is home. And I look forward to coming back. The other hostelites are fun too, some are giving me culture shocks though. But, yes as told by a friend , ACJ is a melting pot of cultures.

About the course, its strenuous but fun. My first two weeks went in learning about TV tools and techniques. I know how to use a camera and report from a place. After the first week we were given an assignment of going around the city to get news and report about it. Later we had to put all the news together and present a news show. So, a group of 17, was divided into three per group. So, my all girls group first went to Anna arivalayam ( DMK headquarters ) to report about a press meet that was to be held regarding the presidential polls. 


It was a life time experience. I was the only girl holding a camera in my hand and running through the crowd just to catch a glimpse of Karunanidhi and gain marks. The whole set of ministers who were siting in the hall found it amusing that a girl was holding a camera and shooting them. I loved it though. The next news was the launch of new jersey for the Indian cricket team. And yes, I saw the cricketers. The jersey was horrendous, it was neon green in colour. Still, for a first timer the experience of shooting a big politico and players of a cricket team is freaking awesome. The pre production work was tiring and the final shoot was good.


Apart from that, a truck load of happiness crashed into my door. And it felt amazing. Details coming soon. 


Otherwise, I have learnt to take things in my stride and move on.


Hoping for some more amazing experiences. 
   

Khuda Hafiz Hyderabad. Vanakkam Chennai.

Finally, its time to bid good bye.

I always had a very negative attitude towards change when I was young. I remember when my Dad came home from work in mid 1999 and made a big announcement of being promoted and transferred to Hyderabad. I was all of 8 years old and did not give much thought about the transfer part. I was only excited about the travelling. So, when days to move came closer I did not react much to people saying emotional words. I was only too happy to receive the gifts. ( Ignorant and materialistic, nah, I was only 9 and loved gifts and dinner parties.) The day when we finally bid adieu to Mumbai, I was numb and didn't want to leave.

After the travel in 2 tier A/c compartment for the first time, we landed in Hyderabad. I hated it at first sight. It was too messy and people were rude ( I come to conclusions a little too quickly ). We were then escorted to our new house, and boy! I fell in love with it. It was BIG. I had a room of my own. I didn't need anything else. Then the first day at school and I realised Hyderabad is not that bad after all. I was showered with praises and awards the first year itself. Slowly, Hyderabad became home and Mumbai a summer-vacation-at- grand mom's-home spot.

Now, another change after 12 years. This time I'm going alone. Leaving home is difficult, but moving is inevitable.

 I'm going to miss a lot of things.


My room and its cozy bed, the smell of freshly cooked food and nagging by amma, the everyday scoldings and making up by appa, the typical Hyderabadi Hindi , the fight with autowallahs almost daily, the long drives at tank bund, the greenery of the colony, the mirchi bajji, the pani puri, the irani chai and some amazingly awesome friends.


Yes, I'm going to miss this like hell. But all good things come to an end. 


Its time to say Khuda hafiz Hyderabad. And Vannakam Chennai. :) 

Disguised Blessing.

I was on a monthly visit to the super market with my parents ( Its been like a mini picnic since we landed at hyd), when something unusual happened. We came out with four huge bags, dumped them in the dikki and went to drink sugarcane juice. Just as we stepped out of the shop,a lady came running towards my Mom. My Mom moved away in defense and the lady was talking slowly taking ample of breaks to breath.

My Mom would hear none and sat into the front seat of the car. She pleaded looking at me and started telling that she wasn't a beggar. She then told us that, she was suffering from liver cancer and was finding it difficult to even move. But, she wanted to secure her son's future and leave him at her sister's house in Bangalore. She had her adoption papers in her hand. She just wanted Rs. 70, which would help her save some money and help her son reach Bangalore. All this was narrated in English.

It could have been a ploy, but her eyes were pleading for help. There was too much pain in them. She was well read, which could be easily guessed with the way she communicated. It left me wondering about a lot of things and how everything turns upside down in matter of seconds? How somethings are never in our hands?

It made me feel blessed. Yes, I should have felt that way before I saw her, but I was too caught in my own thought web that I was shutting myself up because somethings were going in a different direction. I kept thinking about things that weren't going my way all the time sidelining all the achievements or love that I have been blessed with. It feels good to count your blessings because at times life has to be looked from different angles.

All the things that have been happening over the past one week has been an experience. Things are changing rapidly and luckily I'm coping through them very well. Its not easy to leave everything behind, but when you have made the choice you've made it. There's no looking back.

These small things are making me realize some big things in life.

Just before she left, she looked at me and said "God Bless You" and I silently prayed for her well being all the while thanked her for what she had taught.

When your let down, look around and look at the people who think you are their reason for living. You'll have a very being reason to smile.

In the end everything will fall into place and you'll know why exactly things didn't happen the way you wanted. Also, not everyone is as blessed as you are. So, smile not getting a message from your crush, not getting your favourite ice cream or not getting the clothes you wanted for some body's pajama party is no reason to be sad. There is something more to life than these things. The minute you realize that, you'll get a better control over life and its share of ups and downs.

Mission Accomplished.

The mission has been accomplished. 

http://www.asianmedia.org/admissions/firstlist.asp

I got into my dream college. I had no hopes of getting through, considering my deadly GK paper and the dreadful interview. Doesn't matter anymore. They decided to look beyond my screwed up but insightful answers and took me in. YAY! It hasn't sunk in yet. So, my celebration would go a little different. Each time I realise what's happening, I go crazy and scream and laugh and blabber, thus causing irritation-which-cannot-be-expressed to my entire family who are asleep or trying to not open their eyes. 

Coming to the interview.

The scene was like this:

It was a panel interview. They were 3 very old people, 1 middle aged and 1 mid 20's female. 

This was how they sat, with an addition at the left hand side. They were extremely sweet and grilled me in a very sweet way as well. I had not prepared at all. I never prepare for interviews. The answers are always spontaneous. 

I very confidently walked into the room, sat down and they started shooting questions. I answered all of them real quick, except for the last one. The question was, why the GDP had gone down? And I slumped. After a lot of thinking and blanking out totally I gave them a very sheepish smile saying INFLATION (that was the only remote idea I had about GDP ). The man in the middle chuckled and said what about exports. And I caught the point and said global economy has gone down and the importing countries have no money, so, the GDP has gone down. He smiled and said I'm done. And I smiled as at how I managed to answer from the blink of the black hole. 

Now, a BIG Thank You to everybody who stood by me, bore my nonsense and extreme mood swings. You guys are awesome. My Mom who truly believed that I could make through when everybody said I was making a blunder and Dad for being my strongest support even though he's still not convinced with my decision. AND a big special thank you to my biggest critique and the official holder of the world's most awesome person. You are the best person I have ever known. Thank you for being there.

Its celebration time. I'm smiling from end to end and can't stop beaming. So, I get into one of Asia's premier institutions. AWESOME.

Chennai Calling.

To hold on or to let go

Perhaps, part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight for so long, is because we fear that something so great wont happen twice.




Part of a reason why we let something go, is because we get tired of holding something tight while we are let hanging in the loose.


To let go or to hold on, depends upon the people who are involved. If a decision is made to hold on, it should be a mutual one and not a singular one. 


To hold on is any day tougher that to let go. To let go is liberating if emotional strings are cut off.


Hold on, if you know its worth it. Let go, if you can.

Surprises Galore.

Surprises and shocks have been the order of the day. While I made plans of surprising my family, life planned a better one for me.

I got through the first round of my dream college. Its half mission accomplished. I remember writing how the exam's GK paper got out the hidden power in me to see the marvels of night sky in broad day light. The examiner would have also seen the same reading my analytical and insightful answers and called me for an interview to just get more information on my hidden powers. Anyways, I get to go and attend the interview.

There is a small hiccup though. Two of my interviews are clashing. And there is a lot of opposition. Problems are part of life, I know. And yes, I am putting my foot down and standing up. This time I am winning.

On the surprise I planned:

I landed up in Bombay, without informing anybody and surprised paati (Granny)  and my cousin who was celebrating her 16th birthday. The rest knew I was coming. So, they were surprised and speechless for sometime. And I was too ecstatic to have successfully accomplished the plan and of course the feeling of being in Bombay.

So, let's see how things plan out. My mom just read an horoscope in a Tamil magazine that said 'nothing is going right in my life'. And I decided to look beyond it and say Mr. Astrologer and all the stars who are plotting against me, all the best. I am going for the kill.