The Party Rescuer

Now, this has to be some sort of a miracle. Like life’s sending you signals which gets decoded as ‘life is a party, make sure you rock it’. Ok! The miracle part, so I was in the middle of an almost third-world crisis, when a close friend had a mad break-up on her birthday. So, she calls me at 2:00AM IST to discuss this issue, when I’m in deep slumber. After a non-stop wail for 1 hour she decided to call off her party. So, I being the good friend decided to organise a party and how do I do that in less than an 12 hours to plan.

I organised the guest list and nobody could come up with anything concrete. And the next stop was finding an online source, and boy! Did I find a great one? The website, karloparty.com, was a life saviour. It has everything one needs to plan a party anywhere in Mumbai. And so, the party was planned well within time and we partied HARD.

Thanks for saving the day, karloparty.com and yes ‘life’s a party, so rock it.’  

Abuse and Liberation

When a child aged 7 is violated there is not much she can do other than feeling uncomfortable.

When the same child is abused at the age of 8,  she's creep-ed out of her senses. The inner shock of something repeating starts to blend with an adult voice that creeps in and says Shhh! don't tell anybody. But, the child being over-smart decides to go and tell it after all. But, things change as she enters the room filled with adults, who rush her into changing clothes without hearing her out. After an hour of trying to talk, she's dragged to a different house and things change. Hope returns.

A few months later, in a different city, the same thing repeats and the kid this time is disgusted. But again, she tells nobody about it. She jumps with joy when a man rescues her, but the adult is too smart to cover his traces. He doesn't get caught, instead she gets scolded for playing alone in a terrace. Hope starts its descent.

The girl now, has no idea about things happening to her and decides to keep a distance from the unknown opposite gender. Hope makes a slow-paced entry.

She faces a couple of more such situations but this time she runs away from the predator and never talks to them ever again. In fact they realise their mistake and do not try to make any contact with her.

Years pass and the girl realises the things that happened to her does not happen to everybody. Child Sexual Abuse, though common was not widely spoken about until recently. It is hard for her to digest and even harder to accept that someone could think this hideously about a child. As time passes, she slowly accepts herself and confesses to a close friend. Things have been better since then, if not great.

But, the abuse is far from over. The girl is looked as a sexual object by many members from certain gender claiming to be men. She gets fantasised, talked about in abusive words and is an easy prey to beastly eyes.

It's not easy to survive with a baggage this heavy. And I know someone who does it with utmost pride about being a woman. Though, she breaks down every once in a while, she has decided to fight it from the inside. Being a woman, with responsibilities and traditions showering upon you, living with CSA is never easy. But, again we could go on about what is easy.

To forgive yourself and accepting that it wasn't your fault is all it takes to feel liberated. Once the confidence returns, handling the accusers is just a matter of time.

Coming to terms with something of this sort has been tough especially with an orthodox family hovering over you.  It's been a roller coaster ride, that I decided to refuge myself . I shunt myself and let my self-esteem plummet to an all time low. I'm a nervous wreck. And hoping to bounce back, if not later, now. 

I know this hasn't been my best post, or a free flowing one. But, this was much needed to get back into the groove. Thus, the experimentation with the third person speech.

A lousy 2013 - Update

After shifting through almost three cities in the last one year, I'm back to parents home and this time with the closest I can get to a real job. But, that's probably the only half-decent thing that happened to me 2013, which could otherwise be known as THE.WORST.YEAR.EVER. (TWYE - WTF) Okay, Gods up in the clouds (who give rains in winter) don't give me all that evil smile and say your life's just started. I've heard enough of that crap from all the 25 year old's in my life. 

Now, that it's December, the joy of who's arrival seems like I've overcome an apocalypse, I really need to have an update of what made 2013- WTF. What better place than a blog entry on a blog that I frequented less than four times this year, Yeah! it's coz of the bad year and being caught on a job that required me to write about Hindi television serials. #killer

It started off pretty well, with a trip to Kolli Hills which was everything but boring. So, after an amazing (where my lungs got cleared - pollution free air and all) trip and an almost great January, we move to Feb, about which I don't remember much.  For starters, I had pretty lousy December 31, 2012 as against an amazing 2011 December (Also, New Year's eve) . And that's when you get to know about how your year would turnout. It's important to have a good start, more for psychological, mind pleasing reasons than anything else.

March 2013 - a game changer in so many ways. A month where I realised I'm not as strong as it seemed, I can't stand up for myself when people are screaming at me and I take blames even if I wasn't responsible for any. A month where, I-am-a-mature-person and have an high self-esteem got crumpled. What I dint know then was, in the next few months as I'm helped by someone to get over it, I would fall in the same pit again. And this time the blow would be mind-numbing. So, after a 3 am scream fight that blew my confidence away and that involved calling names, I retracted into a cocoon. 

Since March almost killed my spirits, April, the most crucial month of the year considering the placements were around the corner, made things worse after I failed to land a job due to favouritism politics in college (I'm not playing the blame game, oh common I knew people who hadn't completed half of their placement tests get jobs). Also, more on that would follow soon.

May was damp except for a new entrant in life who promised to stick along forever and almost got me out of depression before pushing me down the drain. 

June was great, after I landed a lousy job in BOMBAY. Yeah! only Bombay mattered to me at that point. So, after 3 amazing months at grandmom's house and making a happy set of friends things started to look up.

And then September showed up and things were never the same again. 

The ego is a fascinating monster.
Alanis Morissette

And a man's boosted ego is probably the biggest monster a person would ever endure. Because he's an animal at that point and does not realise that he's crumbling way too many things in a bid to establish his superiority. 

So, this man got offended coz I called him a dog and would go on to call me names and threaten to destroy me if I would ever try to say anything that he ever told me. It was not devastating at all coz exactly 7 months back I went through a similar thing. This time I knew how to handle it (considering it involved a chauvinistic male) just that a little something in me had broken. My trust was in shambles and I still have no idea how to resurrect it.  

After a never ending October and a happier November ( I landed an awesome job), its almost the end of the year.

Coming to think of it, WTF doesn't seem that bad on paper, but given my history of almost never facing such adversities, it's been quite a roller coaster ride.

I've learnt to stand for myself and never to trust a fellow human being. With a baggage of failed relationships and a love life that went horribly wrong, I sincerely hope to have an awesome New Year's eve.

2014 - Bring it on. Whatever you have in store, would be made doubly awesome with my rekindled never-give-up  spirit. 

Moments of pain

Some searing moments of pain, makes you go back in time and relive some moments, that most probably define your life today.

It was a lazy Saturday, when the news of a close relative being in the last stages of life reached us. As we pulled through the weekend, thinking about the moments spent, he was counting his last few minutes before leaving for a life beyond human imagination.

I don't remember the last time I met him, but this incident has made me realise that relationships can never be taken for granted. You never know when they might be gone. And today I might be a little more sadder than the rest, because I never bothered to make an extra effort to maintain relationships. Easier said than done, I might just make those phone calls and visits. I have learnt to value people and moments.

This news is probably a reminder that, life waits for none and you better make the most of it before you lose a track of it.

And Thatha (Grand Father), I haven't spent too much time with you. But, Patti (Grand Mom) keeps telling me about how much love and care you had for the family. RIP. Hope you have an amazing after life too.

I'm just another survivor

Girl meets boy, at a random long walk/common friends/social networking/childhood love interest, they fall in love. Life seems to be a bliss until the blues creep in. His behaviour suddenly becomes unbearable and she comes across as bitchy. By this time one of the two is madly in love (read: Obsessed). And the blame game starts. #forlorn-true-love-story.

Most of the time, the story ends there. The stronger ones get over and find different partners. A majority section though finds it difficult to get over and kill themselves. 

Its a sad story that the person whom you considered as the love of your life is the same one to trigger your death. It ain't easy, of course. But, then nothing is. 

Some months ago, I opened my facebook as part of a wake up routine and I had my news feeds filled with RIP Jiah messages. I started feeling amused at her decision to give up life at such an early age, the news about the reason for her death started surfacing. And her suicide letter was out.

What seems to be a result of a failed story is actually the story of a lot of people. A lot of lives have been taken and few have surfaced strong. Everyday, as I talk to people I only hear stories about how their love lives have been crippled or how a new person has bowled them over. A higher percentage of them actually don't seem to realise that there are many things involved in a relationship, just good looks and charm don't constitute life. And most of these are teenagers, who fall in the block of 15 to 19 years of age. 

I know how it feels when people around you are talking away about their boy friends while you have none. But hang in there for a while. Not all those who are in a relationship are happy, not all do it as part of a trend there are some who actually believe it and there are others who tend to do it just for the heck of it. Its just a matter of time before you meet somebody who actually deserves you.

Peer pressure generally leads to relationships with any random person. There's no escaping it, but being strong and self-confident. Anyways, giving up life is too easy and nobody is worth your life. Ten years down the line you would just be a far fetched memory, so why ruin your life just to escape the momentary pain of loss.

Life is worth living. I know all this is too philosophical but, sometimes some experiences change everything.

I'm just another survivor.

Falling back on track

Life has become a big joke, so big that I haven't understood it at all. Its been a tough year already. Tough enough to make me believe that, 

"Anything that doesn't kill you, makes you strong."

After my graduation from the college, I came back a rather happy soul for somebody who does not have a job. But, in a bid to get one, things went awry. I came across a person, who I din't know then, would completely dismantle my life. 

Its funny how I get close to people without flinching a bit. And the funniest part is, the rest of the world seems unimportant throughout the time I'm with them. So, yeah, I'm tired of crying over spilled milk. Things went wrong and I ditched people around me only to realise and fall back on track, or some thing like that.

And good things happened too! 

I have a job in Bombay. My favorite city in the whole wide world. It make me so happy that I don't care about the world, partly because nobody in Bombay cares about you. Everybody is so busy that do not have time to hold back and judge you. It's a city that celebrates life in whatever little means possible. And probably this is where I got my courage, right at the start of my life, when I spent the first few years growing up here.

The daily train travel is probably the highlight of the whole I-love-Bombay-obsession. So, everyday when I start from the office and walk about a good 15 mins to reach the station, I'm barge through the crowd to reach the ladies section of the platform. Getting into a train from my station is pretty easy, but, the worst part comes when Dadar station arrives. For people who aren't aware of Dadar, its the busiest area in Bombay. Its a transitional point for people who have to change trains form central to western or western to harbour or central to harbour (I know it's confusing, you have to live there to understand it). So, Dadar has a sea of people. As a friend aptly put it, its a fish market sans fishes. Now, since I have to get down at the very next station, I can't dare to move anywhere away from the place right next to the door. And people in Dadar can't see me standing and have to barge into the train even before it stops, or worse even before the passengers get down. Any which ways, they all end up hitting me. Women in Dadar are like horses, they have no idea about anybody around them, except the rod in the compartment, which they have to reach, in order to get in. So, people almost walk over me everyday, not that it has helped in reducing my weight. 

Apart from that, I'm just learning about life, the biggest teacher ever. And hoping that things get better. 

Also, it's Bombay time all the way for me!

After a long hiatus

Forgetting your roots is a crime. That makes me a criminal of first order. Really!

Okay. Blogging has not been a priority in the last year because I was writing different things elsewhere. I now have some three blogs and many articles. It's been a hectic year. 

I learnt,

Journalism isn't just about good English and writing but also involves news searching and making/maintaining contacts. So, the whole year went by in meeting some media honchos, politicians, localites, tribal's and travelling all over Chennai.

Lets start with Chennai. It certainly is not the best city, but it isn't very bad after all. The infrastructure sucks but the modes of commutation are well connected. The chats are terrible but dosa/idli/sambar do their bit to salvage. The language is a problem for the non-Tamil speaking population. And this is where I became famous. So, I was the girl who could effortlessly communicate in English, Hindi and Tamil. And considering that the maximum population at the college were from the northern side, my translation skills came into play. Thus, the rescuer/ basic Tamil teacher (mostly included, bargaining with auto guys) was born. It was fun listening to people from diverse community making so much effort to learn a language. #thishappensonlyinIndia.

#knownfact: Chennai has the worst auto drivers ever. 

#unknownfact: I have a fight with auto drivers in every city I go. Some past life connection, just doesn't allow an auto driver to have his way or win an argument when I am his passenger. But, Chennai, at first, just wouldn't let me have my way. So, I just unlearnt some tactics and learnt them again from a gujju roomie. Oh yes! Gujju's are born with bargaining skills and yeah Chennai auto driver's succumbed to her bargaining whims. We had the final laugh.  

The course was super tight, although our website never went live. Let bygones be bygones.

Hostel life also teaches you to eat at 3 am and finish a TV series at one go. Throughout my stay I have watched innumerable movies and English sitcoms. Sometimes I feel, this was the only thing I did. Jokes apart.

Apart from that I travelled all throughout Chennai and have become 4 shades darker. 

Chennai why you not have a winter?

Coming to winter. This winter I was in the midst of snow and the ice cold beas river, MANALI. Well, I was thrilled to bits and cold till my bones, but, had an amazing holiday. Also, I was in Delhi before going to Himachal. Delhi meant unlimited shopping with my super aunt. Delhi also has an amazing metro and good looking men. If only it was a little more safer, it would be my destination to settle down at. 

After the two back to back holidays, I went on another holiday cum work destination -Kolli Hills. The picturesque location is in Nammakal district of Tamil Nadu. As part of the course, we had to go on a rural reporting trip. Oh boy! It was one fun trip. Great memories and even better stories. 

The one year of staying away also taught me lessons that would last a lifetime. For now, I am relaxing and enjoying the little break, before I join work, and experiencing some unwanted surprises.

Apart from the rest, I am going to explore my brand new camera and delve into the much needed exercise. The updates would be posted more frequently.

Watch this space for more.